I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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