There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
