Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
