Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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