be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
