Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize