You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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