The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
