My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
