i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
