He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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