Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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