im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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