so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
