so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
