So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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