please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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