How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
