ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
