i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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