The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
