Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
