i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
