you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I touched a dick in church today
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