You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
