Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
