His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
