Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Sober January is a disaster.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
