omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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