Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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