loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Randomize
