beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
