Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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