We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize