she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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