I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
