We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
