I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
