i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
