you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
