So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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