I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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