opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize