Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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