I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
