just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
