can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
