Betty ford says i'm here all night
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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