I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize