I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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