Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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