Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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