Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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