if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
