i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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