I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
