I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
