We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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