I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
