No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize