Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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