our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
