this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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