How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
