look no pants
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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