So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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