I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
