My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
they need to just BURY HIM!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
