Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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