I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
