One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
