respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
