She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
